You Can Help Make a Change

Hello my fellow EDwarriors and all the lovely humans who are still following my blog even with my major neglect towards posting. It means a lot to still have this support so I thank you!

This is a super important post and I need your help so please read it all!

We only have a little over a month until NEDA week! AKA a very important week dedicated to spreading as much awareness on eating disorders and helping people gain a stronger understanding of this serious illness!

That being said, I am being pretty ambitious this year and I am working on 2 major projects/campaigns to increase awareness.

My goal with these projects is to put a face to the disease; to get people to understand that their son/daughter/wife/husband/neighbor/etc could be silently struggling from this disease. Anorexia is the deadliest mental illness and if we increase awareness/understanding we can work to decrease the rate of mortality and support those suffering from getting to that point.

I am making a generalization, but our society is a little naive when it comes to eating disorders.

Our words and actions have a lot of power and we throw around negativity like its confetti- and just like confetti, the negativity spreads everywhere and never really gets completely picked up. Many of the things we say/do today are unhealthy behaviors or triggers associated with EDs. Gaining knowledge on eating disorders will help to prevent us from spreading this idea that we are inadequate.

I work with kids and I see too many little girls and boys already hating the soul that live inside their skin. Between the pressures of schoolwork, to activities, to needing to build a perfect resume to get acknowledged by colleges; the expectations put in place are obscene. Childhood is not supposed to be a job.

We can so easily alter our body now through surgeries that we are becoming strangers. We are forgetting that everybody and EVERY BODY is beautiful because we are being told that there is something wrong with the way we look.

That is why NEDA week is so important. That is why I am working so hard to make sure our voices are heard- so we can learn to love ourselves again and support those in need.

If you want to be apart of one of my projects I would absolutely love it. The more people involved, the more people it will reach.

I am compiling a video using footage of those impacted by EDs. Whether you suffer with one or you know someone who suffers, I would love to hear your voice. Tell me how this impacted your life, or why you chose recovery. Tell me something you want everyone to know about EDs.

If this is something that interests you, please contact me at liveliv_EDrecovery@aol.com for more information on this project and for the guidelines for the clips.

I have set up a gofundme as well and all the money raised is going to National Eating Disorder Assoications so we can provide resources to those who need it. In the link you can read more about the campaign: https://www.gofundme.com/eating-disorder-awareness

Thank you for the continuous support and PLEASE SHARE this post so we can get as many people as possible involved.

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Scars

I try to hide the fact that well my happiness really isn’t always real. I suffer with bipolar 2- manic depression. Some days I am having a high where I am so happy and bouncing off walls. I am invincible, I can do anything. Other days not so much. These days I put on that fake smile and act the best performance of my life. I play the role of happy and enthusiastic Liv. But when no one is watching- when the curtain goes down- that’s when the thoughts consume me. 

Honestly, I think I deserve an Oscar for the acting I have done. But acting is hard. I do not want to feel that I need to be embarrassed for not being happy 24/7. Cause let’s be real…no one is like that. I try too hard to portray the impossible, and maybe this is why it’s been so hard to fight Ana. 

I used to have more low days than high days. Then it started becoming a mix of one hour feeling low and the next high. The only way to control these “mood swings” is with medication. I am medicated now, but that doesn’t make me immune to having a high or low every now and then. 

I have scars. People have seen them, I stopped trying to hide most of them. Yes, there was a point in my life where I would get so upset that hurting myself seemed to be the best way to take away the pain. I would be lying if I said that I still didn’t get these urges today.

Some people think I should be ashamed of my scars. That I should be more careful about letting them show. But to me, my scars are beautiful. It’s a memory of my past. Each scar reminds me of a night I thought I would not get through and then I look at my life today and see how far I have come. So while some people see ugliness within my scars I see beauty. You see weakness? I see strength. 

Living with bipolar 2 is hard. Most of the time when I experience a low, I do not remember anything I said or done. Sometimes I have done some awful things that I cannot repeat. It is terrifying not having control of the demons in my head. It is petrifying not knowing what I could do to my body during a low. The only way I find out is the trace of pain left on my body.

One of my worst most recent lows wound me up inpatient. I remember waking up in an emergency room. I remember riding in an ambulance. And then I remember being at linden oaks. (Apparently I was not chipper about being there according to my Ed survivors I became friends with in there lol.) not having control over my actions sucks. This is not a plea for attention. This is a sick, disgusting disease!
I don’t use my illness as an excuse. It is frustrating for sure, but it is no excuse. Sure my life has not been the ideal life I pictured as a kid, but you know what? Who cares! I love the way I am. I love my scars. I love knowing that I can survive. I love knowing that I fought hard to be here and that my time in this life will be used to make a difference.