My name is Marlena and I’m a recovering bulimic.
I never looked sick. As a matter of fact, I’ve always been heavier which allowed my eating disorder to fly under the radar. No one expects the “fat girl” to be knocking on death’s door. However, I’m one of the lucky ones. I still struggle daily, but I’m alive.
The thing about bulimia is that it’s deceptive. It’s painful, secretive, and hard to catch which is a huge factor in why I struggled for 4 years without anyone catching on. It’s not a pretty blonde girl leaning her head over the toilet with her hair pulled back and her finger down her throat. It’s not politely refusing a cupcake. Bulimia is hair falling out and holes in your esophagus. It’s scarred knuckles from where your teeth break the skin and smelling like vomit no matter how often you brush your teeth.
There are so many days that I just want to give up because relapsing is what is comfortable. It’s safe and what I know. But with the help of my treatment team and support system, I’ve been striving to stay on track and build a bright future for myself because I’m one of the lucky ones because I’m still alive.